Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Being of sound mind...

Modern Mayan calendar (Wiki commons)

I awakened early this morning, rehashing recent events, both personal and global, and came to a conclusion. On the off chance that the Mayan calendar end-of-world thing is correct, I would like to make a Current Will and Testament, and give away some of what I have right now, and some other things that I may not have in particular abundance, but that others need far more than I do. Among those items to be bestowed, along with those who should receive them, are the following:

1. My existential angst regarding the future of the planet. I give this stunning gift to: the military industrial complex, especially Monsanto and Lockheed among a great many others.

2. My disgust at the modern medical establishment. This goes almost entirely to the American Medical Association, although a portion of it is reserved for Lancet, the compromised and ethics-challenged magazine of British medicine which, in rewarding the gormless journalist son of its editor, ruined the career of one of the few doctors making headway in finding out why autism is such a big problem the past generation or so.

3. My undying loathing of the pharmaceutical industry. Glaxo Smith Kline, or whatever they have morphed into now, gets a major portion of this bequest, but no pharmaceutical company should be unrewarded. For bringing the world "medicines" that have been proven in double blind studies for which the suborned researchers were doubly blind, they should be amply rewarded. For their campaign against what Gandhi called the most effective, least expensive medicine in the world, homeopathy, they should be rewarded over and over with as much energy as possible.

4. My distaste for American politics. There are so many potential beneficiaries here that it is hard to choose. However, I would choose one family and one diseased spirit for the bulk of it: The Bush family and Dick Cheney. No single family has so destroyed the fabric of US life as the Bush family, but particularly, of course, their moronic least son, George W. Still, idiot that he is, he simply marched to the tune played for him by his much more devious father and the other members of the Bohemian Grove, so possibly all of them should also receive something from my bequest. Dick Cheney should, perhaps, receive the lion's share of this bequest, though; with luck, it will overstress even his dickey heart and put him out of our misery once and for all.

5. I leave some courage, however, to the cowards in the American school system who have politically corrected independent thinking out of existence up to and including university level.

6. I leave some honest self-assessment to the hollow greedy men (mainly) in US and global banking. They have turned democracy into a slow but steady means to pick the bones of 98 percent of the population because, in their shallowness, they believe they need five houses, 14 cars and blood diamonds to adorn their bimbo sluts.

7. Buckets and buckets and buckets of tears to the promoters of the NRA's agenda.  Real tears, tears that they can feel in their gut so deeply that they think they might never move again, never mind continue on in life.

8. A bit of intelligence to be shared among a number of people, to include Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Rick Scott, Rick Santorum, Michelle Bachmann, that fat actress from SNL, Orly Taitz, The Donald...and whoever else may come forward asking for a point of two of IQ so that they might be distinguished from run-of-the-mill morons like Clint Eastwood, Ted Nugent, etc.

9. I leave any animal travel crates I might own to Michael Vick, with the instructions on how to insert himself into one, and take himself out when there's a bigger dog around who can rip off his ears and so forth.

I'm sure there are more bequests I'd like to make. So I reserve the right to add to or amend this testament at my own discretion. Providing the world does not end soon, of course.